my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
