how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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