I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
