Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
