Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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