she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
