AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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