I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
