It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The adults are the big ones right?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
