Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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