Me too!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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