i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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