You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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