i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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