He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
