Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize