Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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