Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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