I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
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