You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
