Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
MIDGETS
????
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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