Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
