4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
