When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
