i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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