I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
