K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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