His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
