Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
