You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
