guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize