The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
