so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
