Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
