why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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