the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
