Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
