Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
