just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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