Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
