real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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