You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
