I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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