Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
