In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
