Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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