I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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