Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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