I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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