how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
