He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
