Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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