plz talk dirty to me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize