if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
