I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
