i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My vagina just recognized that song.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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