So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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