I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize