I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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