Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize