What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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