My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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