people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
