Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize